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《女媧和她失去的孩子》“Nvwa and her lost child” (2024-)

這是一個關於生育和隨之而生的情感的作品。藝術家將在28小時期間和一個和她體重相約的巨大陶泥互動：捏、拉坯、擠壓、撫摸。土能生金，金多土變。巨大的黃土裡長出一件又一件金色的樂器。她把樂器清洗、擦亮、吹響，再利用金色樂器的身軀作為塑造泥土形狀的工具。時間久了泥土乾固，漸變僵硬，藝術家便用眼淚和口水把它沾溼，再次為物料賦予生命和可塑性。

藝術家將神話女媧造人的起因和自己五年前墮胎過程中同樣經歷過的「孤獨」聯繫，比較兩種「孤獨」的情感，作為在女性生育職責裡生物層面上的動機和意義。人類的情緒是我們的身體與靈魂之間交流的語言，翻譯成不同心理壓力和放鬆等身體反應。愛是輔助萬物生長的燃料。哭泣會釋放安多酚，為我們帶來幸福的感覺，幫助我們在悲傷和絕望中找到快樂和生存的力量，所以哭泣是身體對靈魂表達愛的方式。女媧因為孤獨而創造了「人」，而懷孕和墮胎過程亦為女性帶來孤獨：身體能量的爆發和熄滅，情緒過山車，孕期的各種胃口慾望，身體結構上的變化（肋骨、骨盆的增大）；罪惡感、不知道身體會否復原的恐懼、人生重獲自己的掌控的自由，一方面想盡辦法中止生命，另一方面憂慮墮胎程序會影響以後生育力的矛盾感，這些情緒都由女性獨自承受。

吹著金色長號的天使象徵著人們死去後前往天堂前的最後審判。在藝術家的理念中行為藝術的可能性，儘管當中保留對對象主體和選取物料的尊重，代入藝術語境裡的行為並沒有崇高或低俗之分，一切轉化爲創造敘述的材料，是一個思考過程。《女媧和她失去的孩子》呈現人類失去了與地球母親的聯繫，失去了作為世界上生物體成員之一的純粹性，並通過長時間行為嘗試重新取之連結。藝術家連結神話中對人的始源和幻滅的各種想像和信仰，去理解當中顯生萬向的情感，並透過行為和物質處理將其轉化，從而嘗試尋找對於女性生育力量在靈性層面上進一步的理解。

『有一天，女媧在美麗的山丘樹林裡獨自散步。儘管世界景色優美，她還是按耐不住孤獨。她走到河邊，看見河中自己的倒影，靈機一觸，她伸手到河床深處五指一抓，抓了一把黃土，小心翼翼地捏出了一個一個仿照自己模樣的、細小的泥偶。這些泥偶各有臉孔，有雙手、雙腳。在她把泥偶放在地上的瞬間，他們用兩腳行走起來，開始圍著她跳躍、起舞，然後她稱之為「人」。』

This work is about solitude and fertility. The artist will engage with a giant piece of clay that matches her weight for the duration of 28 hours: kneading, drawing, squeezing and stroking. In the 5 elements, earth produces gold, and when gold increases, earth changes. Out of the yellow clay grows one golden musical instrument after another. She cleans them, polishes them, plays them, and uses them as tools to shape the clay again. As the clay dries and stiffens over time, the artist moistens it with her tears and saliva, giving life and plasticity to the material once more.

The artist draws a connection between the two types of 'solitude' as a human emotion and experience, as initial causes for the creation of humans by Chinese mythological goddess Nvwa and that the artist herself experienced of during her abortion five years ago, comparing the motivation and meaning of the two 'lonely' emotions as a biological aspect of a woman's reproductive responsibility. Human emotions are the language of communication between our body and our soul, translated into bodily reactions coming from different levels of stress and relaxation in the heart. Love fuels the growth of all things. Crying releases endorphin, which bring us the feeling of happiness and help us find joy and strength to survive in the midst of sadness and despair. Therefore, crying is a way the body expresses its love to the soul. Triggered by loneliness, Nvwa created humans as she longed for connection of her own kind, and the process of pregnancy and abortion brings a sense of immense loneliness for women who had to go through it: the body switching on and off, emotional rollercoasters (pain and euphoria), pregnancy cravings, body transformations (enlarged rib cage, pelvis); the guilt, the fear of not knowing if the body would recover, the ambivalence of trying to terminate life while worrying that the procedure will affect future fertility, all of which women bear alone.

Angels playing a golden trumpet symbolize the final judgement after human’s death before going to heaven. In the artist's own insight of the possibilities of performance art, while retaining respect for the subject matter and the materials chosen, there is no moral superiority or vulgarity in the actions when being substituted into the context of art; everything is transformed into the material for the creation of a narrative, a thought process. “Nvwa and her lost child” as well presents humanity’s loss of connection to Mother Earth, loss of purity as a member of living organism in the world, and through long duration, the artist strives to find a grip upon the disconnection. The artist attempts to connect the mythological imaginings and beliefs about the origin and departure of the human being, to understand the manifold emotions involved, and to translate them through actions and transformation of materials with her own power. In doing so, the artist seeks to pursue a development of spiritual understanding of the power and meaning of female fertility.

"One day, Nvwa takes a walk through a beautiful forest of hills and trees. Despite the beauty of the world, she could not help but feeling extremely lonely. She reached the river and saw her own reflection in it. With a stroke of inspiration, she reached deep into the riverbed and grabbed a handful of clay, carefully molding tiny clay dolls in her own likeness. These dolls had faces, hands and feet. As soon as she placed them on the ground, they started to walk on their feet and began to jump and dance around her, then she named them 'humans'.”

Performed on 14th January 2024
想像力研究所2023
Black Box Theatre, Kwai Tsing Theatre, Hong Kong

Photo by Au Tze Long, Jimmy Lau and Chi Wing Ho